Hello friends, here we are again, your ol’ pal Jen has re-started this blog after HUGE demand for the international blogging sensation —cheers to all you sarcastic pricks.
For those of you who don’t know I’ve gone on a jaunt round America for the next month, where I will be aiming to provide you with a run down of the enigma that is the USA.
First stop: New York
I’m sure many of you reading this will have been to New York and yeah, I could just reaffirm that all the touristy things you did were worth it but cba. Go to the Met, see the Statue of Liberty, get in a yellow cab etc. but get out into the boroughs and listen to a guy tell you about how he lived in a cult for almost a year or how some guy got scammed into going on a tinder date with 200 other guys.
I stayed in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, edgy and try hard I know but ya gal needed some free accommodation so stayed with a friend. Think of Williamsburg as the Shoreditch of New York, loads of artisan coffee shops, overpriced craft beers and unfairly good looking people. If you find yourself there, go down to Smorgasburg, a food market next to the water. Think of Camden market but less shitty and with people taking insta pics with watermelons and drinks served in pineapples, that kinda thing. Good food though and you get a fab view of the skyline.
If you’re looking for something to do in the evening, get yourself down to Barcade (yeah, it’s an arcade in a bar). If you hate people, like me, then you’ve found a place where you can appear to be social without actually socialising with anyone. All the games are individual player except maybe one or two so, grab a beer and indulge the inner child with retro arcade games.
After that, we headed to a bar called Union Pool, which I was told was notoriously known as a ‘hook up bar’ (sorry mum and dad). I’M JOKING, relax. Just having some good time fun with friends. It was here in a relatively sober state that I realised how non-subtle New Yorkers are. People are definitely on the prowl. The two girls next to us immediately started flirting and talking to the two guys I was with. Girls!
And yeah, sure this place was kinda sleezy but it was happening in the nice places too. People just accept that they’re at a bar for one reason only, to “hook up” and they’re so blatant about it. Even in the bouji-est of yaaassss queen bouji places it was happening— rooftop bar, Mr Purple in Lower East Side. Imagine your typical wealthy guy in a shirt and chinos combo, drink in hand, surrounded by 5 women; he had his eye on the blonde but she was playing it coy. Next thing we know she’s gone and he’s onto the next one. Literally on… as soon as the blonde left his hand wormed it’s way down to the arse of the brunette next to him. No subtlety, just went for it. If you want this classy experience visit Mr Purple. Nah but seriously, if you love the high life vibe, do check out Mr Purple, totally instagrammable with a pool, good view and everyone pretending they have the money to spend on $16 cocktails.
If you’re looking for something more chill and less alcohol focused then head on down or rather up, to the High Line. It’s a 1.45 mile walk along greenery on an old New York railroad. You’ll get a nice walk, see some contemporary art along the way and feel healthy. Or, get away from the crowds and go to Union Square. Not much to do but it’s a nice small green space and there are plenty of shops about. When we went, we arrived just after the aftermath of something ridiculous.
A half torn down stage was lying on the ground with the remnants of DJ equipment next to it. Alongside the equipment were a bunch of big cue cards. One of them said ‘Trump supporter’ with another saying ‘If you’ve ever been in a long term relationship’. A girl had matched with over 200 boys on tinder and asked them to meet her at Union Square at a specific time. When they showed up, she held up cue cards with conditions to eliminate them so she could find the right suitor. Who does that? To be fair, I think it was some publicity stunt to gain followers but still, WHAT?
Americans are so ballsey, New Yorkers especially. So, if you want in yer face experiences, definitely hit up New York.
Next city ——> Nashville, Tennessee